Nothing really important.

Well it's been probably a few weeks since last time I posted. Nothing really has happened. I became ill, I've panicked about homework and a novel I'm writing for a contest that needs to be up to 50,000 by the end of November.

Oh, when I came back to school on the Thursday 24th of November after being off since that Monday. Lukas saw me and the first thing he said was, "Monday I needed you, you weren't here. Tuesday I needed you, you weren't here. Wednesday I needed you, you weren't here. Thursday..." I then cut him off and shouted "I'm here!"  And he hugged me although I didn't ask for one. For a moment I thought it was because he finally realized that he felt something more that just friendship between us, though my fantasies were short lived when he told me what he needed me for.
Apparently he was scared to talk to Amy Carr, and didn't know how to get her on her own so he could talk to her. I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I didn't know what to do. So for the next two days before the weekend I was trying to help him, by giving him advice and telling him how girls think and giving him hope and courage. But now that I'm sitting here and thinking about it, I feel horrible.

I'm basically wrapping the guy I love in fancy Christmas wrapping and giving it to a girl who doesn't even want to be with him. She doesn't deserve Lukas. He's much more important and special to be wasted like that. I'm not saying I deserve him either, but I just want Lukas to be happy and feel like, for once in his life he's got someone he can love and bear his soul to.

I just don't think that person is Amy Carr. I don't believe she's the girl he should do that with. Though he believes she is and I guess that can't be helped. He'll just have to figure that out the hard way. When he does though, I just hope he realizes that I'm here to catch him, and that he can always talk to me.

I just love him so much and the saying goes; If you love someone, let them go.
Well that's what I'm doing and I'm helping him take his steps to a better place with some he loves. He'll never love me and I guess I'm ok with that. I never really did see the two of us together (though everyone else does)  I just wish him the best of luck.

I hope though that my heart is strong enough to hold out long enough to help him get Amy. At the rate I'm going, I'm scared that my heart will shatter before I've had time to plaster it again.

Love from,
Phillippa
xxx

Oh and my supposed "best friend" Got angry today because I didn't want to do her youtube vid for her channel. The thing takes ages to get ready and finished and she knew I had to do my novel. She thinks I'm being selfish. But I want to be an author when I'm older. I can't see myself doing anything else. Her youtube channel isn't going to help her become the police woman she wants to be.
If I just skipped one day it's fine - well to me. She cancelled last week for no apparent reason and I just want to cancel this week because I have something important to me to do. If she was a true friend wouldn't she be supportive? I asked a few of my friends on twitter and they all agreed with me.

I feel horrible when we fight but she doesn't like it when things don't go her way. I'm not going to jump across oceans to keep her happy. I'd rather sit and do French work with Dr. Haddouche than bend to her will.


If you want to follow me on twitter my name is: PippypooparTW