Venting my feelings

Hi,
I've been wanting to put up a new post, however I either keep forgetting or I haven't got enough time. I must say I'm not making this a priority!

Well anyway to make it short as possible today so I may go to sleep; Lukas claimed that he hadn't sent the emails..... I want to believe him and I also didn't. If he had written them it wouldn't be so painful to try get over him. But now that I know he didn't write them, it's like there's a magnetic pull towards him. I feel safe with him, happy; complete.

I know it probably sounds like all teenagers love stories, about how they love a guy sooooooo much. But the thing is, it's not in a childish way. I'm actually in love with him. No amount of therapy or rejection will be able to make me deny this.

I went to speak to him on Monday 14th. He knew what was coming; my friend Lizzie had went to yell at him and therefore he knew what was waiting for him. I went up to him and all I said was "Can we talk in private?" and we walked far enough to be out of hearing range.
I so wanted to be angry and stubborn, but he looked so sad. Everyone thinks Cerise was the one who wrote the emails................... I don't know what to believe but Cerise is my friend no matter what.
I was still quite angry (more at myself for how weak my self control is), just when he said "Cerise is trying to ruin my life," (there was a load of examples) "Now she's trying to make you hate me." And god he looked so sad and depressed I just wanted to hold him and protect him from anything that could possibly hurt him ever again................. I sound like something a guy should say about the woman he loves......... gross.

To make things worse; Cerise then came storming over as me and Lukas were walking back. She was going to hit him and that was clear, without even a thought other than "no" I stepped in front of him!!!!!!!  I PROTECTED HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER DONE ANYTHING MORE EMBARRASSING IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He still hasn't realized my true feelings towards him... :/



Anyway today which is the 17th Thursday. Our school started the children in need because we have awards evening tomorrow. So me Lizzie, Cerise, Catreena and Rose all got together and made cakes, chocolates and badges to sell today for the charity.
We raised.......................................................................................................................: £145.19p!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so happy and proud of all my friends! We're not keeping any of the money. It's all going to children in need to help those who need it!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

My life is a bit like a roller-coaster...... Maybe I could write a good book when I'm older about my life in high school and use this blog as info check points!!!!  :D

Love,
Phillippa, xxx